Tuesday, February 26, 2008

CPR class

I had CPR class today, and man was it different. I got certified in it through Riverside when I started working for them back in 2003, and apparently there class is cake. This class was geared for healthcare providers, and apparently the other classes are for taught on a any profession level. Before I just learned Adult CPR and AED, but today we learned it all my friend, we even used bag ventilators and all kinds of crazy stuff that EMT's carry around. So it wasn't the short refresher I had pictured in my mind, but I learned a lot, and I am certified in it all now. I just did adult before as our patients are well adults, or maybe a few teens here and there, but I am proud I know infant CPR now. So go me for learning some new things today! I head back to real work tomorow, and its going to stink since I have been out since last Thursday. Oh well it will be a short work week I guess!

Monday, February 25, 2008

My big 2 year old....

Laura had her 2 year check up today which was an interesting experience. Dave was off so he wanted to come a long. Her appointment was scheduled during naptime, which isn't the best time to try to do an outting. I tried to put her down earlier but she wasn't having it. So in the office we are waiting in the lobby and it was just us in the waiting room, and Laura deciedes she is going to act like a monkey on the couches. She never does that at home or at my moms, but apparently she was a bit nutty without her nap, and after trying to get her to sit (any tips for trying to get a 2 year old to sit quietly guys?) I just let her pretend she's a monkey. This is when mean office lady comes out to tell Laura (really her horrible parents) that she needs to sit down or she might hurt herself) which was code for - control your ill behaving child before she falls off and you parents sue us. Shame on Dave and me.

So, she got a prick on the finger for some lab work and she handled that fine- no crying or anything, but she didn't want that bandaid on her finger to save her life. Her height and weight are both in the 50th percentile now, which is outstanding, as shes always been in the low almost off the chart end for both. Everything else went fine. She didn't have to get any shots as she wont need any until shes's 4 years old, besides the flu shots each year she normally gets. I discussed with the doctor the dreaded binky taking away that is in our future. He suggests cutting the tips of them off so they lose suction and then he thinks she is going to march over to the trash can and throw them all away, and just be done with them. HAHAHAHA. I would love for it to go that way, but I bet its going to be a bit harder then that. Maybe I should have taken it away when she turned 1. But regardless it needs to be done, and I am not looking forward to it. Rachel still uses a binky but she can sleep without it, she doesn't seem as attatched to it as Laura. One good thing is her binky is alot different then all of Laura's and Laura doesn't like her binkys and refuses to use them, so hopefully she wont try to steal hers. So in the next few weeks I guess we will toy with the idea of taking it away, so keep our sanity in your thoughts....

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Happy Birthday Rachel!

My baby girl is now 1... I can't believe just one year ago she came into this world. We celebrated her birthday today and she got spoiled silly by family. She's been taking a few steps here and there, but mainly she does her funky crawl, which must be witnessed to be explained. However she took a great deal amount of steps today near the end of the party. She was a walking fool, and she was pretty proud of herself. I couldn't help but think "oh no! my baby isn't a baby anymore".

Everything went pretty well, and I thought everything was pretty tasty, so hopefully everyone else did too. My granddad made me a bit sad though as he freaking brought me by birthday gift to the party to open up. He said he wanted me to have it now because he says he and grandma are so old he doesn't know if they will be around here come July. How sad is that! And then my grandma requested that she have a picture taken with both of my girls, and then wanted a picture of me and my sisters together. I guess they are just feeling like there time is coming, and even though I don't want to think about it, I know they are right, I mean they are 90 years old. I know my girls enjoy them, and I hope they will remember them. My parents visit them once a week, and they take the kids if Dave isn't off, so they get to spend a lot of time with them. All these thoughts make me sad, but you know what, it just shows what a great family I have and how much I love them. I am so glad to be so close to them, and glad to have them all so close by.

Friday, February 22, 2008


So I am taking today off anyways even though I had to be home Tuesday as I am not organized enough to work today and get stuff done for Miss Rachel's party. Earlier today though I made my mom happy by going to the Quilt Show in Hampton. This was my third year going with my mom. The first year I had just come home from the hospital from having Laura, and I was a wee bit uncomfortable walking around so much from having a baby, and last year I was a day or so away from having Rachel so I was again pretty uncomfortable. But I still enjoy looking at everything. Each year it reminds me of how I would love to learn to sew and quilt. However, I need another hobby like a I need a hole in my head. I don't have enough time to scrapbook these days let alone take on something so challenging and expensive. It still amazes me how talented people are. I love looking at the juried quilts. They have a ton of booths set up selling fabrics and patterns for quilting, and it erks me each year that they don't have actual completed items for sale for non talented people like me to just buy already done. The last two years my mom has bought kits for things I have liked. The first year was a wall hanging for Laura's room, and last year there was a quilt kit that I wanted her to make for me. I have yet to see the finished work of those items yet, but I know she has been working on the quilt for me. I am sure its hard for her to find time since she watches my two crazy kids when I work. My mom was after me to pick out something new this year for her to make for me and I refused as I rather her just catch up on the other projects lol.

Interestingly enough my grandmothers lawyer sent me a copy of her will yesterday. It was so weird seeing her signatures again. I really miss her and just wish she was here in her right mind right now. She would have loved seeing my girls and knowing they were a part of her. But I guess she's here in spirit now.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Well I was just a happy little blogger yesterday wasn't I? Let's see I was on a roll bashing my husband, hating on the redcross and all kinds of mess. When Dave came home yesterday from court I was just as mean, but he ran out to get some lunch rather then ask me to make him something (smart man), and then came back with a coke slurpee for me (even smarter). So I apologized for my moment I was having and told him he was still the best husband, and I was just needing my moment to vent about anything and everything.

Anyways, he still went to the preschool to register today for me (hehehe). I made it easy though, I filled out all the papers and gathered everything, he just had to go and wait for a few hours with the other crazy parents. He wasn't alone though as my BFF (or not) was there to register her child as well, which was very very interesting, and I kinda have a funny story about it. Apparently they were discussing her husbands attorney as they are proceeding with a divorce at this time, and Dave asked her who he had. She told him, and then went on to say what a crappy lawyer he had and blah blah blah. WELL, there was this lady behind them, that heard everything, and Dave noticed she looked familiar, and he said something to her about it, and she said Dave looked familiar too. They were trying to figure out how they knew each other, and she asked Dave what he does for work, and he told her, and she then says- well thats probably how as my husband is a lawyer and his name is so and so. WHICH was the same name my BFF was telling Dave her husband had. SOO stinking funny I tell you. The BFF was pretty embarrassed as she was still there and heard all of that. I would have paid money to have seen her face.

But anyways, Laura got in, and next year she is set for preschool at the local church which is the same preschool I went to. She will just be going once a week on Fridays. I figure since she hasn't been in daycare, or around much kids her own age one day a week will be plenty for her to start out with, considering the melt down she had at her friends birthday party a month ago. Plus, I am off on Friday's so I can take her and pick her up on school days, and I really want to be the one doing that. That was also if she has any little programs or anything I will be off to be at them as well. They also have parents take turn being in the classroom, so that would leave me free to help out as well at times. So we shall see how it goes I guess come September.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

I am going to hunt them down...

Apparently a few weeks ago when I yelled at the Red Cross for calling our house it was all in jest. Yes they called wanting Dave to donate blood and they call for him every damn week- he doesn't even have that unique of a blood type, but apparently he gave them our phone number, and I yelled at a lady and told her to never call again. So now we get automatic recordings from them and I don't know how I can get rid of that crap, and we are getting them daily now. Guess she's laughing at me right now.

I freaking hate the phone. It always rings when I am super busy, or some crap and often I don't even answer the dumb thing as I don't feel like breaking my neck to talk to the redcross or someone calling for Dave, so if I don't answer the phone don't take it personally, unless your the redcross, and if you are I am not done with you yet!

Birthday prepping, and hissy fits...

I have been debating on what to cook for Rachel's party Saturday. She's turning 1 years old!! I refuse to make bbq again for fear people will groan as its my staple of choice with a bunch of people coming over. I have been wanting to make home made spagetti sauce, and had a Paula Deen receipe, so I decieded to make it last night for dinner as a test to see if we liked it, and it was super yummy. The kids loved it, so I know they will at least eat it. I was a bit worried before I made it as the reviews were either awsome or horrible, no in between at all.... So there are some chances of people hating it Saturday I guess but oh well. It's a free meal after all.
Tonight we are taking Rachel to the Picture People to do her one year pictures. Hopefully that will go ok. Besides that I need to put together her 1st year frame, and I have little goody bag things to make that I have not started yet.

I was a bit frustrated today as I am sick and tired of Dave having court on his days off. I am sure he's a lot more tired of it then I am, but it just sucks sometimes. I don't think he's very organized about keeping track of it for one thing, but anyways, my mom scheduled an eye appointment for herself today thinking he was off. Her appointment was for early in the morning, and last night it dawns on David that he has court that morning. My mom watches my babies for me so this meant I was going to hang out into someone came home and I would leave for work. Well at 10:30am my mom gets home and by then if I were to drive to Williamsburg I wouldn't have much time to be productive as the patients are gone by 3pm, so at 9:30 I decieded to just take today off and give up my friday off which makes me mad as I sorta needed it to get some birthday stuff done. It's noon right now and Dave is still not home from court either. So at this point I am pissed off at his job, mad with him for leaving chores undone, and for leaving a nasty mess on his dresser. This morning I discovered a bag freaking chips on his dresser, some candy bar half eaten and two soda cans, just hanging out on his dresser cause thats just where it belongs I guess. Nasty I tell you. The funny this is when I did grocery shoppping last week he asked me to buy a bunch of healthy food as he was starting his diet, so much for his diet I guess. I am just easily irritated right now and looking for reasons to have a fit. Anyways, my pay back for being pissy at him is this- tomorow is preschool registration day, and apparently it involves standing in line several hours before they open to get the slot you want, and I was going to do that tomorow. Guess what? Dave is going to do it now as I am not going to be late another day this week, and he's going to fork over the money for it as well.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Pink shoe memories

I have had the silliest blogs lately, and apparently a lot of time on my hands this weekend. I have been very lazy and need to remove myself from the couch, but one last blog for tonight anyways. I was on Target's webite just looking around, and I came across this shoe and it brought back the saddest memory ever. I had a shoe much like this one when I was 7.

It was July and my parents had a talk with me earlier that summer about life and death, as apparently our family dog was very sick and would pass away eventually. His name was Ceasar and he was another black lab, and had been with my family before I was born. He adopted my family really. My parents had a Westie, and Ceasar began showing up at our house to play with him. He had a collar so they knew he was someones, and he was always wet as he was freaking swimming across this lake to get to my parents house from his owners house. My dad tracked down the owner who was a really nice widow with breast cancer, and got into the habbit of taking Ceasar home in the evenings for her so she wouldn't worry. Eventually, her prognosis got worse and Ceasar was still swimming over to be with my family and our other dog, so she asked us to keep him. He lived a long and spoiled life with us. He himself got Cancer and my parents were worried he would die before my birthday and were worried how it would effect me. He made it through about one week after my 7th bday. I knew it was going to happen soon as my dad was seriously building this coffin for him and had dug the massive hole in our backyard. I was over at a neighbors house that day playing with Adam Fink a little boy a few years younger then me. I was wearing these pink little shoes, and in his backyard I ened up losing one in some hedges as I was throwing them and for the life of us we could not find it. About that time my mom had called his house, and his mom sent me home with just one pink shoe. The shoe was never ever found. I remember walking home trying to keep in the grass to keep from burning my feet on the pavement, and when I got there they told me it was time and to say goodbye to Ceasar. It was really hard to say goodbye, and he was the first pet we had to die. My dad even had us all take pictures with him before he passed cause my dad just didn't know what else to do, but somewhere at my parents house is a picture of me with both dogs crying for a photo with one shoe. The vet actually came to our house and put him to sleep in my parents garage. I went inside when that occured, and I remember my dad coming inside to check on me and it was the first time I ever saw my dad cry. I still tear up thinking about it so I guess theres still a little bit of a animal lover in me. All of this from looking at a shoe.

Oh yes I did...

Laura always notices whenever I get my toes done, and now she will even touch them and say "pwwreetyyy". We were sitting on the couch watching some TV yesterday afternoon and I was playing with her feet when the idea dawned on me. I asked her if she wanted me to make her toes pretty, and she looked interested so out came the polish. She sat there calm and even waited for them to dry . I think I might have a future pedicure buddy one day lol.
She has loved showing them off to the family we have seen this weekend. Of course my sister reminded me of the time I tormented the dog with the finger nail polish. Katie might remember this if she's reading cause I think she was my partner in crime. I had a black lab dog named Beau, and one day when Katie and I were bored we decieded to paint his toe nails a pretty hot pink. He sat there through most of it, but soon he was pretty ticked off at us and we struggled to finish. Whenever I would bring out nail polish in front of him again he would growl at me. He was so embarrassed that he would try to hide his paws.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Pretty toes and all...

It has been a very long time since my last pedicure. I think the last time I got one was after Christmas and then of course I had my big fall down the stairs and fately injured my pinky toe. The freaking nail ended up falling off and I have been too scared to get a pedicure thinking the person giving me the pedicure would think my poor nailless pinky toe was groddy, or worse we would have a communication error and they would end up hurting it more.

Today I just had to have one, and I talked the husband into going with me cause he's a pretty princess as well. Seriously I need some female friends to do this crap with me, but the husband secretly loves anytime anyone will rub on his feet, so he was a good sport. Mr. Pedicure man was very nice to my groddy toe, and he even put some polish on it to fake that something is there.

Friday, February 15, 2008

To Embarass my husband...

My husband is a man of the law I guess you could say, and a few weeks ago he had some training on tazer guns. You have to have training on it each year I think, and part of the training is you have to be tazed. You only have to be tazed for one second, but if your a big idiot you can ask them to do it longer. Of course, my husband said he wanted it for 5 seconds, cause I guess he needed to prove something that day.... well my husband got tazed and he farted! Luckily it wasn't any worse then that, but it still caused him some embarassment in front of his peers. You gotta love him!

Meet the potty....

She is so going to kill me years from now when she looks back at this picture.... Anyways, Laura has been working on her potty vocab, and she has started to tell us when shes gone potty in her diaper. Of course she tells us after she does it, but thats got to be some sort of progress. We decieded to go a head and buy a potty so she can get used to it and we can work slowly on potty training. She seems to like her potty, and sat on it for a while last night, but she has yet to go in the potty. This morning she tore of her pants and diaper and wanted to sit on it again, and she still didn't potty on it, but hey, baby steps I guess. I don't even know how to go about potty training her. I know I could probably read some books or something, but I rather just let her take the lead, so its on her terms. This one lady I know from work has a little girl the same age, and she has said she was going to put her baby in cloth diapers when she turned 2 so she would feel it more when she goes to help with potty training. Not a bad idea, but I am not so sure if cloth diapers would work with me. My mom used them with me when I was a baby and she had a diaper service and all that jazz, but I am pretty adjusted to the nice pampers lol. Not sure if I have what it takes to go the cloth diaper route. Yes call me a bad mother right now.

So anyways, the potty training adventure has sorta begun I guess, though I don't think shes going to be potty trained fully any time soon =)

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Cupid day

Tomorow is V-day which is always a bit fun. I know everyday we should express our love, but having a special day set aside to just focus on each other helps some. And admit it, its nice to do little exchanges lol. This year I got Dave a hot stone massage cause he's a big girl like that and loves being pampered. I hope he enjoys it.

I have been a bit under the weather. I have a cold or some sort of bug again, and have had a fever and some stuff going on for a couple of days. I even had a nice emergency room stint yesterday which I will spare you the details of- everything is fine though and they treated me very nicely, and its always good to have a good emergency room experience rather then some nightmare of one.

I got the kids some hair bows for them to have for Valentine's day. I wanted to get them something, and god knows they do not need any toys or stuffed animals, and candy isn't the best for them right now, so hair bows it was!

Sunday, February 10, 2008

100 things about me...

I have seen this on a lot of blogs and it was only a matter of time before I had to be a follower... hopefully it will be somewhat interesting and amusing....

1. I am 27
2. I watch a crazy amount of TV
3. I had surgury on my tongue when I was 11 for a tumor
4. I own my own bowling ball but I am not that good
5. I once played boys baseball until I was 16 and was pretty good at that
6. I then played softball
7. I played both field hockey and lacross in college
8. I quit lacross cause our team was horrible, and since I was offense I pretty much just sat there the whole time cause the ball never left the other side of the field
9. I had horrible, HORRIBLE, grades in highschool
10.BUT I went on to be a deans list chick in college
11. I got my masters degree in one year
12. I was engaged twice before my husband
13.My husband is the love of my life
14. My fav snack in high school was vinegar and cheddar cheese
15.I don't think I could stomach the two together now
16. I live next door to my parents and love it
17. I am not your typical social worker
18. I love scrapbooking, but wish it didn't take so long
19.My mom gave me my first kit for scrapbooking 4 years before I began and didn't use it for a a while as I had issues with cutting my pictures
20. I used to be a huge animal lover
21.I even dreamed of opening a no kill animal shelter if I ever made it big
22.I now secretly wish someone would kidnap my pets
23. I think they know which is why they destroy my stuff
24. I have had braces three times
25. The first time I was 2 years old!!!!
26. When I was 3 they took them out cause I bit a metal folding chair cause I was mad it wouldn't open, and I mangled them
27. I thought I was soo organized before I had kids
28. Now I get excited when I find time to vacume
29. My first car was a wood panel station wagon
30.I have had 6 other cars since then all white and all ford
31.My parents drive all white cars too
32. I learned how to pump gas in college
33. I would get a pedicure every week if I had the time and money to waste
34.I have two tatoos and I think they are tacky now
35.My first kiss was at Tides baseball game
36.I love cutting grass, but hate any other outside yard chores
37. Apparently so does my husband, and it errks me cause I want a pretty yard lol
38. I hate watching sports on TV
39. I love seeing them live though
40. I love taking hot baths but hate how the steam makes my hair flat
41. The happiest days of my life were the days my kids were born
42. When I came out of recovery from having Laura I told Dave I would do it all again in a heart beat
43.three month later we learned we were pregnant again
44.I had two c-sections with my kids
45.I had the 2nd one scheduled and I am glad I did it that way
46. I didn't breast feed my kids and I feel guilty about it when people ask me if I did
47. I wore make up to the hospital when I had Rachel when they told me not to so I would have prettier pictures
48. I got called out on it by a nurse, but she let me keep it on
49. at one time i had 11 piercings in my ears
50. now I just wear one in each year
51.I wish I had more female friends to go out with
52. even though I have some good ones I usually wait for them to ask me to do things cause I got burnt by friends pretty bad back in the day so I tend to lay low - the stories I could tell you....
53. We vacation in Nags Head every year
54. If I had it my way I would live on the beach
55. My eyebrows are terribly thick and bushy if I don't pluck them to death and wax them
56. I wish my hair would grow as fast as my eyebrows
57. I secretly wonder if anyone gets bikini waxes at the place I got to get my eyebrows done at every time I see the price display in the wax room
58. I love going to the movies and have not been in forever
59. I hate when my husband loads the dishwasher cause he does it all wrong,
60. I deeply fear teaching my kids how to potty train
61. My playroom still is not ready for the kids
62. I usually send my thank you notes out right away
63.However this christmas I sent three and forgot who I sent them to, so I just didn't anymore out
64.I feel really bad about that and vow to never do that again
65. My parents never let me have a gerbil or even take the classroom pet home for the weekend and it made me so mad
66. I secretly hope my kids never ask me for a rodent pet but I will let them take home a classroom pet for a few days if they even do that anymore these day
67. I wear flip flops way to much
68. I love going for long walks
69. I always have hated running
70. I would ride my bike to work if I could
71.I envy my neighbor who does
72. I am a sucker for any "at home" party Pamper Chef, etc
73. I go to bed early and get up early
74. I am a coupon freak
75. I think home schooling is weird
76. I want to try Indian food
77. My husband refuses
78. I worked at a farmers market 7 summers
79. I considered working there forever
80. apparently I was on crack that day
81. I love going to garage sales
82. I also love consigment shops
83. I really need to go grocery shopping...
84. I like trying out new reciepes from friends
85. The longest my hair has ever been was when I was a senior and even then it was never that long
86. I always say I am going to grow it out but I never do
87. My grandma gave me a perm when I was younger and I am still getting over that one
88. I want to buy the photoshop program
89. but wonder if it would be way to hard for me to figure out how to use it
90. my fav. meal of the day is breakfast
91. I love working in Williamsburg
92. I feel so lucky to have awesome coworkers and love hearing about their families
93. I am thinking about doing a lot of Christmas shopping online this year
94. I didn't vote for Bush but I plan on voting republican this time around I think
95. I record on my DVR The View, Oprah, TMZ, every day
96. I am a huge Lost fan and think its an amazing show
97. I didn't get hooked until last year and had to catch up
98. The same with Grey's Anatomy
99. When my kids sleep I usually have big plans on being productive
100. I usually break the plans

Hair Bow moments

Yeah we all rocked the red hair bow this morning, some better then others as I look pretty scary. Rachel hated the bow, but Laura rocked it out. She finally has enough hair to do something with these days.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Some sappyness...

I just wanted to thank everyone for the cards, and nice emails and what not I have received because of my granny passing away. Everything was so nice, and from the heart. I wanted to share a sympathy card that my other grandmother sent me. This is my grandma that is 90 years old (my dads mom) She wrote: "Robyn your grandmother was a wonderful person and a dear friend of mine all the years I've known her and I have missed her all the years she has been ill. It breaks my heart that she has not been able to know and love little Laura and Rachel. They are such a joy to us and mean everything to be with us this time in our life."

When I read this I immediatly started bawling, but it was so sweet of her to write those words. My grandparents went to the funeral with us last week, and before the service started, my grandfather took me aside and told me that when my other grandfather passed I was about Laura's age and that he took me aside during the service when I got upset. He offered to take the kids from me during my grannys if I needed it. I thanked him and thought to myself I couldn't imagine he could handle them now, but thought it was so sweet of him. One of my earliest memories was my grandfather's funeral. I remember my dad holding me and taking me to look at him in his casket. I remember touching him and wondering why he was "sleeping", and I remember my mom crying so much. She was such a daddy's girl herself, that this just broke her heart when her dad passed. I remember trying to give her my toys whenever she would get upset, cause my toys always made me happy.

Anyways, I am so thankful to have such a great family. They never cease to amaze me with kidness, love, and wisdom. They have been great examples for me, and I hope my kids will say the same thing about me one day.

Friday, February 8, 2008


I am going to vent some about job stuff… I have a patient at one of my clinics who is elderly and has needed transportation to treatment. Transportation is a huge pain in my behind, as its very limited, and what not. He needed wheelchair transport. It took me freaking forever to find someone to bring him, and he needed to change his regular appointment times for treatment as he was coming early in the morning , and none of the transportation companies operate that early. So I caught grief from staff forever cause I couldn’t find anyone to bring him, he had no family to help out, etc etc. WELL, transportation has been found and life is good right?
NOPE. He is on our last shift for treatments and his treatment lasts a bit longer then everyone elses. Well, if there is an opening earlier, they call him at home, and ask him to come in early. Did I mention he no longer even has a drivers license as he is medically unstable to drive?? Also, if he skips his set up transportation eventually they will take him off their list and he wont have transportation any longer. Apparently noone seems to care but me as they all know this. This man is so weak after treatment we have to lift him in his car and if I am there working I am usually asked to put him in his car, and I don’t think I will be breaking my back anymore. This poor man is going to end up crashing and hurting himself and others potentially. I am documenting like crazy the actions I am seeing, cause this is not going to be my butt in trouble if something happens.
Other then that, I really do love my job. I really do. I just am a bit furious, and already ready to scream at a staff member if they tell me to help him to his car.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Mr. Kitty gets lots of love today

Happy Birthday Laura!

My baby has turned 2! Well, we had her party to celebrate it Sunday, the real deal doesn't happen until the 6th, but you get the idea!

Saturday, February 2, 2008

My granny

If you would like to read her obiturary copy and past this: http://www.legacy.com/dailypress/DeathNotices.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonID=102356488

It's a been some very long days for us. I spent Thursday mean as hell to everyone. The phone would not stop ringing and I tried to keep it off the hook as much as I could. At some point the Red Cross called and I yelled at a poor lady for bothering me. Dave told me that wasn't nice, to which I replied "That lady is probably rich and just volunteers all day" Dave didn't find it funny. I cried a lot, and I went around the house touching things that belonged to her. I have a lot of furniture that had been hers. I took a drive in my car as the Pontiac I have was hers. I was just a mess.

I was just caught off guard by all of this, and we have not had a lot of loss in our family, and deaths just screw me up pretty much, this coming from miss social worker and all.

Friday we had the viewing. She looked good. She was always so skinny, and she had lost a little more weight in the last few years. She had on the suit she wore to my wedding. When we went to say goodbye to her Wednesday she had on the nightgown I gave her for Christmas one year. So all of that made me sappy.

Apparently what had happend was for a few days she was refusing to eat and take her meds. She just kinda shut herself down. I just was so shocked as with my great granny who had it (her mom) she got the point where she stopped talking altogether and then even after that she lived for a couple of years. My granny was still talking, she didn't know us, but she still would talk to us, and would talk about her past some. But she just went so fast, and when we got there she was into the dying process. What a peaceful way to go though. She was in her bed propped up, sleeping, no IV's for pain or anything. Just so peaceful. She didn't have to go through weeks or days of pain, so for that I can be greatful.

I have been thinking about my memories with her. There are just so many. She would spend Christmas with us so she could see me wake up and get my presents. Her favorite color was purple. She would visit us often, and I would look forward to visiting her. She was always so proud of me, and always told me she loved me. I loved that she always kept candy for me when I came to visit, and she was always buying me something or slipping me some cash. She was a giver.

When we went to look at colleges she went with us. She was there when I graduated from highschool and college, and got to see my wedding. I feel silly for asking for her to be around to see more, cause frankly she got to be a part of my life for so long and see so much, but I guess we always want more, but she doesn't owe me a thing.

I bet she was happy though looking down on all of us. I bet shes glad it brought us altogether. It was really nice seeing my aunt and uncle, and I know granny would be happy we were all together for a few days.

I am going to miss her so much.