Thursday, June 23, 2011

Victory shopping...and weight loss adventures

After a rather bad TJMAXX last time when Grandma tried to say I was a fatty and needed a ugly dress, I worked up the courage to go back. I need work pants- BAD. Heck I need a freaking new wardrobe, but can't afford it, but the pants I have been wearing make me look mega sloppy. I went back one day during lunch, and they didn't have many pants to choose from cause I guess it's summer, but low and behold a size 6and it fit, and wasn't tight...They were ugly though, but I was happy enough to fit in them and just left them there....

Today I ventured in Ann Taylor Loft as they are having a 40% off already marked down items, so I figured I would see if I could find anything there. In the dressing room I got even braver and took in some size 6's and 4's. You wont believe this but their size 4 fits me, and fits well...A bit shocking for me. Seriously I wanted to make an announcement over their PA system. I knew my old crap was baggy, but wow. I found a pair of nice black work pants for $11 (thank you mega sale), a pair of white shorts, and I found a cute top. It's beyond weird to buy a size small in a shirt as well. I had some food issues in highschool and especially my freshman year of college,so even when I was tiny then I felt large and hid behind baggy clothes for the most part, so I can't even remember wearing small sizes. I always picked a size large in shirts , or even xl, and I also raided my dad's closet for some of his shirts, and my dad has never been a small man.

This week I also had went to my doctor for a physical. My labs were perfect, and I got congratulated on my weight loss. Every time when you see the doctors at my office they record your weight and blood pressure. I have been going there since summer 1999, and it was amazing to see I am 5 lbs away from where I was in 1999 before heading back to college to play field hockey. It was depressing to see my weight get wacko years later. But I developed bad eat ting habits, I wasn't active, and ate like it was my job. I should have expected it, but it came on slowly or at least it seemed that way to me, and one day I woke up and I was just fat.

So even though I have done good with the weight loss, I am scared to death I will screw up and the weight will come back on. I know if I eat right, and stay active it wont, and I have to commit to this, but it's still kinda scary as I really for the first time in a VERY long time actually like what I see in the mirror. It's been probably at least 12 years since I felt that way.

Another frustrating part is some coworkers where I work feel I am too skinny. It's makes me paranoid because of my past food issues, but I know I am at a healthy BMI level, and I am at a normal weight for my height, and not underweight. I also am not starving myself, I am eating healthy, I am just not downing french fries, and baked goods that the patients bring in anymore. The dietitian at my work thinks I am doing awesome, and explained to me that our culture is so used to seeing fat Americans, that when we see someone in a healthy weight we think they are underweight. I also think that maybe the whole too skinny thing is because they are not used to seeing me at this weight ever, and the baggy clothes I have worn until I can afford new ones don't help either. I seriously want to bust out the BMI chart and be like, see- this is what I am supposed to weigh, this is what is healthy, and will keep me from developing medical problems. All that matter is that I am finally content, and not disappointed in myself, and can actually see people from my past and not be embarrassed that I am over weight, and wonder if that's all what they are thinking.


Monday, June 13, 2011

Recent adventures in Tjmaxxing....

I know my posts have been sporadic at best, and this may be repetitive, but life is just crazy. I've been stressed out, busy, tired, sad, cranky, happy, and just plain lazy. I went through just about every emotion that's possible last week. My saving grace = the pool. So glad that sucker is open.

So I had a bit of a traumatic experience at TJMAXX last week. On Thursday during my lunch break, I figured it was time to get some new clothes. 30lbs down, and I don't exactly have a lot I can wear. This is a good problem, but still a problem. To be honest, even thought I still was stuffing myself in a size 10 prior to operation get skinny, I probably was a solid size 12. The 10's are now way too big. I have maybe two pairs of size 8's in pants, and those are getting big. I was trying to pump myself up to go in the dressing room and put on a size 6 which might still be too tight, when this evil old lady decided she was going to pounce on my ego. I was minding my own business going through the racks, when grandma pulls out the worlds ugliest dress, and turns to me and asks if I am a size 12. My reaction "NO!" Her reply "Well you look like a size 12, and this is such a pretty dress and only $19.99." I quickly run out of the store as fast as I can. Didn't get to try on the smaller size, and so this week I find myself wearing the same freaking 2 pants. Thanks grandma.


Sunday, June 5, 2011

Sunday brain dump....

Just wanted to share a sweet photo of my youngest at her sister's T-ball game. My mom made the girls shirts like this for them to wear this summer for Memorial Day/4th of July. Emily usually wont stand to wear a head bow, so I was excited to see her last with it a few hours. She's a mess!

So I got the shellac manicure, and I really like it, however, with going to the pool it caused it to lift on both of my thumb nails. And yes, I look all janky with two unpainted thumbs, but at least it's a neautral color. When it came off my nails were not at all messed up, but I have heard if you pick it, it will mess up your nail. I think I am going to get another one, and see if it truley was the pool, or just a bad application job. It may just be something I do after pool season, as my guess it's the chemicals in the pool.

I think God knew I needed to get some housework done, as since it's a stormy day I am forced to get housework done, instead of going to the pool all day. I just hope the kids don't go crazy staying inside all day.

Does anyone else do It's a really cool website that allows you to save pictures of ideas, and organize them into catergories. It's cooler then it sounds, and there are amazing ideas! You have to make an account, but it's free, and you have to get an invite, or go on a waiting list which I have no idea why. But if anyone wants an invite let me know! Here are my pinterst boards- I don't have many, but it's so addicting to look at others.


Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Happy June!

First and foremost- isn't my Rachel so pretty! I finally got around with her comparison of her first day of school this year and her last day of school. Rachel wasn't as pumped about pictures as Laura, so I couldn't get many in the morning. Rachel is pretty much my personality clone, meaning she wants to do, what she wants to do,and can pitch a fit like no other. Anyways, when the girls go to school I like them to dress well. I don't mean they have to dress up every freaking day. I know they are going to get dirty playing, etc. But I don't want them to think it's acceptable to wear short shorts, or teeny tank tops to school. Rachel wanted to wear some daisy dukes and one of Emily's tank tops which showed her belly. Not happening. I compromised with another pair of shorts and a tank top, but she wasn't pleased. I know they are just children, but how you dress really is important, and it drives me insane what people wear to school in the public school systems. When you are put together you act better, sit up taller, etc. Ok so end of my clothing rant. I am a product of strict dress codes in private schools, but yeah I had my moments of semi inappropriate items myself as well at times, and well it didn't do any favors for me. The kids can dress like they want at home and when they are playing, but in school they need to dress nicely. To be honest, the world judges people by how they look. It may not be right, but I can promise you it's just a fact of life. Ok end of my clothing rant. And I have probably cursed myself, and I foresee my daughters all having lip rings in 10 years or so now.

So moving on June Goals:
I actually sat down and thought about these at work on break Tuesday, so hopefully I will be more driven to follow through on them this month.

1. lose 5lbs this month. Weight loss continues to an ongoing goal. According to the BMI charts I am in a normal weight range for my height, and I originally said I would stop at where I am at now, but I want to keep pushing myself. To be honest I will probably stop with the aggressiveness and work on maintaining once I lose a total of 13 more. But I can't really say that until I get there and see how I look and feel. I also worry that my perception is just skewed in general with my past eatting issues of when I was skin and bones, and felt like a cow. And considering I became a fat cow for real in 2004, the whole thing is a thin red line with me.

2. Clean out make up drawer. My make up drawer and makeup bag in our bathroom is out of control. I need to toss, organize, and actually buy a few new things I am out of. Easy peasy.

3. Tackle the garage. Sigh....story of my life. I do have a desk in there I am going to try to refinish, but the rest is Dave mess. I am planning to do this on my own, without him there to freak out on me, as I am a tosser. I don't throw away good stuff, I know what are tools, I am not dumb. I actually made an attempt on throwing out some stupid TV Dave has been trying to fix FOR 6 MONTHS, that mind you he hasn't touched in 5.5 months. We have a neighbor who basically only comes home a few times a year, so I grabbed their trash can and attempted to shove it in there. It was heavy as crap, and I about killed myself, and it would not fit no matter how much I banged and pushed on it. So sadly I had to tote the garage can back empty, and put it back and I am going to pretend I didn't touch it for now. I was going to use the neighbors can so it would take him longer to figure out. lol I have to come up with a plan b now.

4. Read two books. Finish the one in my sidebar, and then read the next book club pick for the month of June.

5. Purchase towel rack for upstairs bathroom. Didn't complete that last month, and it really needs to get done.