Death

Death has to be one of my biggest fears. Not necessarily my own, but I guess the actual grieving of loved ones. I have had I guess just a few life losses. My grandfather when I was 2, I actually remember his funeral believe it or not, and my cousin was killed in a car accident almost a year ago. I have just always had the same people in my life forever, and I can't believe that one day they wont be here anymore. My grandparents are in there late 80's now, in fact my dads mom will be 90 this year. How unreal is that? My own parents I can see are growing older, and I just don't know how I would function without the both of them.
'I just don't even go there with thinking about Dave's line of work or it would drive me batty, but its there in the back of my mind. Like if we get into a fight about something, I feel like I have to make nice before he leaves for work just in case!

The weirdest thing about death is the world just keeps moving on. Seriously its crazy. Everyone pauses in time for the funeral, but then its just back to business. Most people's jobs will give them 3 days of berevenment leave and then I guess thats all they think you need to be back and productive again.

So the reason for this depressing topic is a friend of ours lost her brother to suicide after losing her father to it a few years before. I am not one to throw stones though as I firmly believe when you are that depressed you just sometimes lose control and just get that desperate, and sadly enough I have had some serious depression back in highschool and early college in which I would be a liar if I said it hadn't crossed my mind, and even a bigger liar if I said I hadn't even tried to act on it. It sucks so bad for that family to have to go through all of this again though regardless. I can't imagine what they are going through, but I know it must be horrific.

We all die though. There's no hiding from it. I guess all I can hope for is that all my loved one die in their sleep peacefully in old age and that noone has any regrets.