Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Mommy problems....

Mommyhood is so rewarding, but so frustrating  I am so blessed to have healthy children, lucky to have a job, and not have major problems.  I feel so guilty for being whiney, but some days I feel like being a mom is the hardest job in the world.  

My mommy guilt is running high, as it's hard to make it to every kid activity.  I think I do a good job, and I make it to most everything, but I am feeling it today.  I am struggling right now to see if I want to stay in an organization for next year.  I have honestly struggled with it all year, and now it's almost over and I have to plan for next year I don't know what to do.

I am nowhere as involved as a lot of these women in it, but yet, I find myself stressed out.  It seems that whenever there is something going on with the organization there is always something I am missing out on with my family.  For example, I have to do four volunteer shifts, and have them completed very soon.  It's been very hard for everyone to get them done, and I had signed up for my last one to be done Thursday night.  I was excited that I would be done, and have something to check off my list of requirements.  To make a long story short, my husband has an exciting promotion, and the ceremony is Thursday.  It's before my volunteer shift, and I thought it would be ok.  I even have started planning a party for him to beheld later this month.  However, last night as I was leaving for a meeting (and missing yet again my youngest child's gymnastics class), he wanted to know if we could all go out and celebrate after the ceremony.  I said I couldn't because I had the shift.

I seriously got maybe 3 hours sleep last night, as I was tossing and turning feeling like a bad mom and wife.  I decided to take my name off the list for volunteering, so now I can do something fun with my family after the promotion.  Chances are I won't be able to complete my requirements for the year now, as there are just not many opportunities anymore for volunteer credit.  I was counting on doing this one and being done.

If I don't do it next year I guess it doesn't matter if I didn't do my requirements. I know my family is more important, but I hate the feeling of not doing something I committed to.

Don't get me wrong, I know I need to be with my family Thursday after the ceremony, as it's important to my husband.  Also, this morning I got scared to death as there was a big incident in the city he works in, so I know I should never take any day for granted.

I just wish I could do it all, and keep a smile on my face.


Jamie said...

You're so normal, and you did the right thing. I'm sorry you had a rough night. You do way more than most people,and you make it look like a breeze! said...

Yes Robyn I know exactly how you feel!! I am THE biggest "joiner." I feel like I get involved in everything and then without realizing it I'm compromising my time with my family. I say, the best thing is, do what you can to keep your commitment right now (I hate that feeling too - It's too much for me to cancel on something that I have already committed to...I don't know if that's good or bad!) and really be guarded with your time whenever the next "sign up" is or the next thing to "join" comes up to bat. I am habitual about trying to cram things into a 12 hour day and leaving zero extra time for things like celebrating a promotion. ;/ I always think I can make it all work and I am really feeling bad right now about some of those commitments too. It's different for me if my time is taken up in place of "girl time" or "me time" but when I start missing "Mom" things, it really eats at me. Sorry that you're feeling crummy about it!! I hope you figure out what works best for you and your family!! That's the most important! I always have to remind myself, I will have years and years of free time where I can join clubs and volunteer more, but right now, my little needs me!

Whitney (for the rest of the Shouses) said...

I TOTALLY understand! It's such a hard balance between work, kid activities, time with husband, and trying to be a normal involved person. I'm sorry you're having this struggle, but glad to hear it's not just me! You're a good mom and wife, and from reading things I think you balance it well...and you try your hardest which is what matters.