Mommyhood is so rewarding, but so frustrating I am so blessed to have healthy children, lucky to have a job, and not have major problems. I feel so guilty for being whiney, but some days I feel like being a mom is the hardest job in the world.
My mommy guilt is running high, as it's hard to make it to every kid activity. I think I do a good job, and I make it to most everything, but I am feeling it today. I am struggling right now to see if I want to stay in an organization for next year. I have honestly struggled with it all year, and now it's almost over and I have to plan for next year I don't know what to do.
I am nowhere as involved as a lot of these women in it, but yet, I find myself stressed out. It seems that whenever there is something going on with the organization there is always something I am missing out on with my family. For example, I have to do four volunteer shifts, and have them completed very soon. It's been very hard for everyone to get them done, and I had signed up for my last one to be done Thursday night. I was excited that I would be done, and have something to check off my list of requirements. To make a long story short, my husband has an exciting promotion, and the ceremony is Thursday. It's before my volunteer shift, and I thought it would be ok. I even have started planning a party for him to beheld later this month. However, last night as I was leaving for a meeting (and missing yet again my youngest child's gymnastics class), he wanted to know if we could all go out and celebrate after the ceremony. I said I couldn't because I had the shift.
I seriously got maybe 3 hours sleep last night, as I was tossing and turning feeling like a bad mom and wife. I decided to take my name off the list for volunteering, so now I can do something fun with my family after the promotion. Chances are I won't be able to complete my requirements for the year now, as there are just not many opportunities anymore for volunteer credit. I was counting on doing this one and being done.
If I don't do it next year I guess it doesn't matter if I didn't do my requirements. I know my family is more important, but I hate the feeling of not doing something I committed to.
Don't get me wrong, I know I need to be with my family Thursday after the ceremony, as it's important to my husband. Also, this morning I got scared to death as there was a big incident in the city he works in, so I know I should never take any day for granted.
I just wish I could do it all, and keep a smile on my face.