Monday, January 28, 2013

The dark side of parenting...

So it's been a day.  Laura was up all last night crying over her ear hurting.  We figured it was either swimmers ear or an infection.  Regardless to the doctor she went, where it was confirmed to be a rather nasty infection.  So I stayed home, tried to baby her, and run the others to school and organize the house some more.

Later Rachel had swim practice, and I was taking a moment to relax and read a book.  It was the start of a new session today at swimming, and there were a few new kids.  A new girl after a little while got out of the pool and said she didn't want to swim anymore.  She was crying, and and just refusing to get back in.  I just kept reading, and then her dad arrived to watch, and he was trying to tell her to go in, and she held her ground.  Finally after they begged her to say what was wrong, she told them that a girl had told her she was a bad swimmer and didn't know how to swim right.  Guess who the mean girl was?  My daughter.  The mom got up and went to my daughter immediately and went off on her , I got up, and apologized and asked what had happened ( I didn't know what was said at that time), the mom hauled off and said that her daughter was excited all day to come, and then told me what my daughter had said.  I was embarrassed and upset, and apologized over and over, she stopped me and said for the future she didn't want my daughter to say one word to her daughter again.  I got Rachel out of the pool and of course I was flipping out inside, and Rachel was already crying.  She apologized to the girl, and I told her I was sorry to, and that she deserved to be the pool too.  The mom left with her, and I apologized to the dad who seemed to be easier on me about it, and said we would work it out.  I wasn't sure if I should leave right away with Rachel or what.  The other girl had left, and Rachel was saying she wanted to leave then too.  I still don't know if what I did was right or wrong, but after 5 minutes I made her get back in.  I figured Rachel was embarrassed and wanted to the easy way out, so I made her finish practice.  I talked to her coach, and told the coach that I was sorry, and asked them if they talked to the mom again if they would apologize again for me.  I also let the coach know if the girl didn't want to come back because of my child I would withdraw mine.  That may sound crazy, but if the girl wants to swim and is that upset by my daughter then I will do what's right.  The coach said they wouldn't let it come to that, and they would just separate them.

I had a long talk with Rachel about how what she said was hurtful, and how upset she made the other girl. Rachel can be a bit of a spit fire, but in school and other settings, her manners are always raved about by teachers.  Heck this December I got a email from the room mom saying how my daughter helped a fellow student who was upset, and how caring she is of the kids and their feelings.   Rachel knows she did wrong, and I really don't know why the heck she would do such a thing today.  I almost feel like printing that email and showing it to the mom, while screaming " I swear my child isn't always an ass!"

I of course don't like the way the other mom went to my four year old first to yell at her before talking to me, and I don't like how she doesn't want to work to make things better, and would rather my child not say a thing to her again.   If I could have it my way I would invite the girl on a outing or playdate to do something nice for her, but I don't think it's going that way.  Maybe next practice it will be better.  Lucky for me it's my husbands turn to take the kids to swimming as I work later that day,  so I have filled him in on everything and have asked him to try to talk to the parents.  I hope the girl comes back to the next practice and it's not a complete disaster.

I know kids will be kids, but I am upset that my daughter said something hurtful.   The girl was new and was trying something different and was being brave, and I hate that my daughter ruined today for her.  I just hope Rachel can learn from it, and that it doesn't happen again.


Jamie said...

i'm so sorry! That is super stressful. I'm sure Rachel won't do it again, and hopefully the girl comes back next week with calm parents. I'm disappointed that the mom acted so immaturely. You did everything right. I'm sorry :(

Grace said...

Best line ever: "I swear my child isn't always an ass!"

You're a great mom which means you have great kids - we all make mistakes sometimes. I hope it all works out!!

Jenny said...

omg!!! so sorry hon!