Thursday, May 10, 2012

Food and Boobs....

* I re-discovered Trader Joes this week.  We have had one in our area I guess maybe 7 years or so, and I went when they opened, but I was young and clueless.  Also we didn't have kids so we mainly ate out, hence the weight gain back then.  It's also not that close to where I frequent.  They built one near my work a few years ago, and this week I got curious and ventured in.  Oh my word.  I am in love.  I got overwhelmed though, so on my first day I bought some Canola oil and a frozen meal, I went back the next day, and this time got Cocunut oil and bananas.  Today I went again, and got a crazy amount.  The prices are awesome, everything tastes yummy, and much of it is organic, so I can feel better about what I feed my family.  Super impressed.

*I need my hair done. BAD.  To be honest it's been since January since I have had a cut and highlite.   I am awful about keeping up with it, as there just never seems to be time!  My roots are crazy, and my spilt ends have split ends.  My hair today is also greasy as I ready you can put coconut oil in your hair as a conditioner, and that didn't work out so well for me.

*I am having a pity party for myself, as everyone around me seems to be getting plastic surgery.  I know I have vented on here about it before.  My boobs are small, which doesn't bother me, but they are like small old lady boobs if that makes sense. Sorry for the mental picture you all have now, but just deal.  My stomach is flat but my stretch marks are awful.  I have ones around my belly button that make my stomach look wrinkly.  I had a friend get a boob job recently, and maybe I am just reading too much into it, but people started suggesting I should get one too, probably because they have heard me complain, but I of course take it that they think something is wrong with me.  To be honest I don't  even know if I would even want one, as I have breast cancer in my family and I don't want to do something to them while they are still healthy or make it harder to detect, I also would feel horribly selfish for spending the money on something so vain when I have three little girls and we are not rich, I would also feel bad for my husband would have to take care of me, and worry I was setting a bad example, and then I worry if I got them I would regret it.  I also think the feeling of something false in my body would freak me out.  That being said, one of my close friends who I go to the pool with just called me and said she's going to get hers done as well and wants me to come to her consult with her to give my opinion and see what it all entails.  I know she just wants a friend to come and be honest with her there, but honestly my first response in my head was "damit I will have to sit all summer now at the pool with my friend with new boobs, let me just invest in pool coverups right now, or terminate my pool membership now."

Ugg why can't I just learn to like my body the way it is, instead of feeling hatred toward it and jealousy towards one of my sweetest friends.

*of course my husbands reaction is that I should just get done what ever I want.  I don't know what money tree he thinks we have, but of course that just makes me more paranoid about myself.


No comments: