Thursday, June 23, 2011

Victory shopping...and weight loss adventures

After a rather bad TJMAXX last time when Grandma tried to say I was a fatty and needed a ugly dress, I worked up the courage to go back. I need work pants- BAD. Heck I need a freaking new wardrobe, but can't afford it, but the pants I have been wearing make me look mega sloppy. I went back one day during lunch, and they didn't have many pants to choose from cause I guess it's summer, but low and behold a size 6and it fit, and wasn't tight...They were ugly though, but I was happy enough to fit in them and just left them there....

Today I ventured in Ann Taylor Loft as they are having a 40% off already marked down items, so I figured I would see if I could find anything there. In the dressing room I got even braver and took in some size 6's and 4's. You wont believe this but their size 4 fits me, and fits well...A bit shocking for me. Seriously I wanted to make an announcement over their PA system. I knew my old crap was baggy, but wow. I found a pair of nice black work pants for $11 (thank you mega sale), a pair of white shorts, and I found a cute top. It's beyond weird to buy a size small in a shirt as well. I had some food issues in highschool and especially my freshman year of college,so even when I was tiny then I felt large and hid behind baggy clothes for the most part, so I can't even remember wearing small sizes. I always picked a size large in shirts , or even xl, and I also raided my dad's closet for some of his shirts, and my dad has never been a small man.

This week I also had went to my doctor for a physical. My labs were perfect, and I got congratulated on my weight loss. Every time when you see the doctors at my office they record your weight and blood pressure. I have been going there since summer 1999, and it was amazing to see I am 5 lbs away from where I was in 1999 before heading back to college to play field hockey. It was depressing to see my weight get wacko years later. But I developed bad eat ting habits, I wasn't active, and ate like it was my job. I should have expected it, but it came on slowly or at least it seemed that way to me, and one day I woke up and I was just fat.

So even though I have done good with the weight loss, I am scared to death I will screw up and the weight will come back on. I know if I eat right, and stay active it wont, and I have to commit to this, but it's still kinda scary as I really for the first time in a VERY long time actually like what I see in the mirror. It's been probably at least 12 years since I felt that way.

Another frustrating part is some coworkers where I work feel I am too skinny. It's makes me paranoid because of my past food issues, but I know I am at a healthy BMI level, and I am at a normal weight for my height, and not underweight. I also am not starving myself, I am eating healthy, I am just not downing french fries, and baked goods that the patients bring in anymore. The dietitian at my work thinks I am doing awesome, and explained to me that our culture is so used to seeing fat Americans, that when we see someone in a healthy weight we think they are underweight. I also think that maybe the whole too skinny thing is because they are not used to seeing me at this weight ever, and the baggy clothes I have worn until I can afford new ones don't help either. I seriously want to bust out the BMI chart and be like, see- this is what I am supposed to weigh, this is what is healthy, and will keep me from developing medical problems. All that matter is that I am finally content, and not disappointed in myself, and can actually see people from my past and not be embarrassed that I am over weight, and wonder if that's all what they are thinking.



Jamie said...

Congratulations on the weight loss!! That's awesome!!! What are you doing?

Lindsey@ Harpersville Home said...

Yay! So happy for you! Congratulations! I think when your coworkers say that it's probably because of (at least a small amount) jealousy! I think you can easily refute their comments by simply saying, "Well I just stopped eating bad food and started eating healthy stuff. I exercise more now, so I guess the weight was really just never supposed to be there! I'm back at where my body should be! But thanks for the concern!" Of course, in another light, you owe them no explanation and if they want to be P*ss ants then they can!! In the mean time you'll be looking fine and feeling great! haha. Congrats again! You're doing awesome. I kind of just began changing my diet and working out more and I feel so good that I never want to change!! Here's hoping that I can lose the same way you have!!!

Veronica said...

You inspired me! I start my WL adventure today. My biggest fear is losing it and not being able to keep it off. Seriously thinking about going to OA meetings! Don't listen to patient comments---their lousy habits landed them in that chair. You did great, you look great, and you feel great. That's all that matters.